Soooooo…last night I was trying to sleep but finding it impossible, so I decided to do the next best thing- masturbate! Now, we all have our techniques, our toys, and our own styles. Since I get off hard a lot with my job, when it comes to MY OWN sexy alone time, I’m a bullet girl! It’s quick, easy, and right to the point. (I save the giant dildo for more special occasions that my nightly O!) So last night I got out my AWESOME bullet, whom I have named Clint. Clint has 5 different speeds/rhythms, all of which are good depending on how fast I want to cum.

So…I grabbed Clint, pressed him right up against my little clit, hit the button….and nothing! Not even a wiggle! Had I burned him out? Were his batteries suddenly completely dead? No…no this could not be! I have other toys…but I wanted Clint! Clint is, well, effortless. He doesn’t make a mess and since he’s external, doesn’t really need to be cleaned as much as other toys. He’s discreet, economical…and dead. I could almost feel a tear in my eye—I had been looking forward to our date all day, especially since it was my day off, so I didn’t have the usual work-related masturbation holding me over!

As I laid there frustrated and sad, a movie scene popped into my mind: Naomi Watts in Mulholland Drive, fingering herself like mad while also sobbing like a bitch. I don’t know if it is the masochist in me or what, but that scene turned me on, even though I get the impression it was SUPPOSED to creep us out! This got me thinking about other masturbation scenes in movies. Like Natalie Portman in Black Swan—where she looks over and her mother is asleep right on the chair! Now THAT ONE I do think was creepy…but still HOT. I mean, Natalie Portman could be taking a shit and look hot, right? That’s one girl I’d love to get crazy lesbo on! Anyway, that led to yet another scene burned indelibly into my mind: the masturbation scene of Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female. (LOVE that movie!) Remember how Bridget Fonda’s character sees her by accident? JJL isn’t nearly as hot as Portman, though.

Then I tried to think of GUY masturbation scenes. Hate to say it, but I don’t really like those American Pie-type movies about horny teenagers. I prefer things a little more erotic. Dick and fart jokes are a bit too low-ball for me. So outside of those few that came to mind, I had a bit of trouble coming up with any GOOD male masturbation scenes. Finally I remembered an indie movie called “Nowhere”, where the bunny from Donnie Darko (no idea what his name is and I’m too lazy right now to look it up) jerks it in the shower while his mother (Beverly D’Angelo) beats on the bathroom door. Ok, now that WAS kind of hot. Oh! And speaking of Beverly D’Angelo…she was a lesbian ghost who masturbated through her clothes in The Sentinal! My mind just kept on connecting these masturbatory dots!

Next came Tommy Boy! David Spade jerking it window-side until Chris Farley walks in! Classic! And then he teased him all night, asking him if he’s favorite Rascal was Spanky! God I love that movie. (Stoner classic! Shhhhhh!)

Last but not least, the super pathetic and sad scene where Mark Walberg tries to whack it for money in Boogie Nights, but can’t get it up. Then a bunch of dudes kick the crap out of him.

All of these scenes converged in my mind into one, giant masturbation montage. And before I knew it, my index finger was manually stroking my little button, rubbing one out to the visuals of all of them doing the same. So I finally got mine…what about you?

What is YOUR favorite masturbation movie scene?

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