megan-toilet

For a cheapie like me, nothing gets my blood boiling more than my HARD-earned tax dollars being spent on stupid, fruitless, pointless things…like the Popular Romance Project. A study on romance in popular culture? Really?!

What monkey (or fleet of monkeys) brainstorming on the crapper came up with this? This is a valid study because sex sells? People like sex? What an epiphany! Who knew?!

Ummmm, well….we all knew. And we’ve ALWAYS known. Sex has been selling since the first penis “accidentally” slipped into the first vagina! Sex has been used as currency and for control since the beginning of man. So why a study that spent—you ready for it?—almost a MILLION dollars since 2010 on this? How did this happen?!

Being a phone sex operator, I naturally know A LOT about sex. What guys want, all the different fetishes, what the hot topics are of the moment, etc. I don’t read watered-down romance novels because 1) they are watered down! 2) they are traditionally written by hack writers with very little talent, 3) I don’t like things that pander to bored and horny housewives, because if they start giving it up again, that cuts into MY business, and 4) they just aren’t GOOD. Now, how can a “lowly” phonesex girl make such a claim? So I work in the adult industry…but that doesn’t mean I’m a dullard. I READ. I mean, I REALLY read. I’m not talking Twilight and issues of Vogue and 50 Shades of SHIT here: Dostoyevsky, Vonnegut, Fitzgerald, Rand…you know, people who write COMPELLING stories with flair, and this little thing called talent. As far as I can tell, romance novels are pretty much a joke to the rest of the literary world. And speaking of Twilight, this “project” actually poses questions like if the Edward character is “controlling or romantic”. Who cares?! It’s FICTION! And fiction for the undeveloped minds of tweens, to boot!

And besides, don’t ALL love stories and fairy tales just give women the wrong expectations, anyway? I mean, when I was a little girl, those stories had me believing that by this age, I would have met my knight in shining armor, he would have swept me off my feet, and we’d be married with beautiful kids by now.

Riiiiiiiight.

I definitely did NOT envision the studio apartment I live in now, or being paid to assist in masturbation over the phone. Not that I’m complaining—as an adult I no longer compare myself to those ludicrous stories which do nothing to prepare young girls for what love and sex are really like in the real world. Did we really need to spend more money perpetuating—nay, celebrating—these pathetic illusions?

So WHAT, exactly, does this Popular Romance Project reveal? It’s fine and good to study things on an individual level—I would think it was great if I had a friend who wanted to study, and even write a book on, romance across the ages. Not my cup of tea, but I do like history in general and that’s fine. But tax dollars spent to explore this? HELLS TO THE NO. 

This is what their site has to say about this “important” project:

“The Popular Romance Project will explore the fascinating, often contradictory origins and influences of popular romance as told in novels, films, comics, advice books, songs, and internet fan fiction, taking a global perspective—while looking back across time as far as the ancient Greeks.”

Hmmmmmm…so they didn’t even study REAL romance stories, just the fiction?  I mean, who gives a shit except for the people who read that crap anyway? Again I ask, “how did this happen?”I really don’t think the average income-earner (NOT the stay-at-home-moms who read that junk) would justify even a single collective dollar going to the project, let alone over 900K!

A “global perspective” on fictional romance? How about a global perspective on the medical uses of marijuana and its possible benefits to the global economy? A global perspective on crime…murder…or ANY kind of mental illness—I’d read THAT. And THAT might have some real value; real conclusions that could then be parlayed into some kind of change or awareness. Ugh. I’m incensed by this flagrant waste of my money, and I hope you are too. And they say phone sex is frivolous!  I’d like to open a can of my most sadistic domination on those fools! I’d have them begging for forgiveness like the stupid worms they are! And then I’d charge them triple. ;p

xoxoxox

Sedussa

See this disgrace for yourself:

http://popularromanceproject.org/about/

Info on the money wasted:

http://www.coburn.senate.gov/public//index.cfm?a=Files.Serve&File_id=d204730e-4a24-4711-b1db-99bb6c29d4b6

Am I the only one getting horny for the holidays? I hope not. And I certainly hope those who don’t have wives or children are not getting down on themselves- especially those who have no plans. Holidays are so much about families that single folks like me can sometimes feel sort of left behind. Thankfully, as a proud phone sex girl, my holiday, while not filled with turkey and stuffing, won’t be lonely at all. After all, we have each other! And like I mentioned, I get extra randy during this season. I’m not sure why—the cold nights? The togetherness I see all around me? The feeling of soft winter fleece against my skin…who knows?

What I do know is that NO MAN should let Thanksgiving pass without getting a little love and I’m making that a goal this year: Instead of “no man shall go hungry”, I’m pushing for “no man shall go horny”! I’m going to put in that extra effort these next few weeks with all my callers because I want you guys to know that you are not alone. I want you guys to stuff my bird, mash my metaphorical potatoes, and enjoy my deliciously sweet pumpkin pie. I’ve got a smorgasbord of sexy for you, so don’t you dare let this holiday pass feeling alone and sorry for yourself! Let’s CUM TOGETHER, you and I, and give each other the gift of love, no matter how fleeting. You have no one to blame but yourself if you spend Thanksgiving at home eating a microwaved meal—not when I’m waiting for my phone to ring!
Now, those of you who ARE being invited to a Thanksgiving dinner somewhere…I still want you guys too! Maybe you can slip away from Uncle-whoever’s stories, sneak into a private room, and dial me up. Actually, the idea of you guys stroking yourself at my command in the back bedrooms and bathrooms of your friends’ and families’ homes makes me want to rub one out right now! I’ve always been a thrill-seeker when it comes to sex, and I don’t know…the idea of getting you off with grandma just down the hall…..mmmmmmmmmmmmm. That’s the naughty girl in me who liked to f*ck on my parents bed back in high school. I LOOOOOOOOVE thinking of where you’ll be hiding when you call me, c*ck already hard from just the thrill of sneaking off…knowing what we are about to do. Unzipping your pants, worried someone will approach the door any minute…that first feeling when you unleash your beast from your boxers, skin touching skin as your hands glides along the smooth shaft…Good god I need to get a call right now…I’ve gotten myself all worked up! Where will you sneak off to when you call me? I’m literally wet and waiting, my dears, so give yourself what you deserve this Thanksgiving…a cornucopia of CUM…explosions of joy…a pilgrimage to my pussy…
Phone is in hand right now boys. Hope to hear your moans soon!

Your favorite sexy bitch,

Sedussa

Posted in Sex.

Ok, for the most part, I try to stay out of political matters. But I always have, and always will, stick up for women’s rights as the proud, modern, unashamed woman that I am. I mean, I work in the adult industry—that takes a good deal of being open-minded and liberal in such matters. I don’t know what my “client’s” political affiliations are (and trust me, politics are the LAST thing on their minds when they’ve got me on the phone), and I don’t care because it has nothing to do with what we are doing. I’m a real live and let live kind of girl, and that certainly goes with the territory. And I’m lucky, in a sense: I practice the safest sex ever— phone sex!

But when I do engage in –ahem- actual physical contact, I use protection. However, in those rare cases I’m in a relationship, that gets old, and after awhile you want that more intimate, skin-on-skin contact with a partner you’ve come to know and trust. So in that case, a girl like me relies on birth control. It makes sense, right? I don’t need, nor want, 10 kids running around. I’m not ready for children, and damn it—WHY OH WHY are there people out there that can’t respect not only my RIGHT to feel that way, but also my GOOD SENSE in being able to know the difference between being ready for the biggest responsibility a person can have, and not being ready? This isn’t a pro-choice rant: I’m NOT going to say/write a peep about abortion. I won’t touch that topic with a ten-foot pole on here. But we are talking LONG BEFORE a baby is involved. No harm, no foul. Why on earth would any group of people want to deny a woman reasonable and affordable means to abstain from having children? Think about it—if she can’t even afford to pay outright for birth control, how on earth could she afford to actually raise a child? And if a woman is clearly saying she’s not in the right mental or emotional place to take that on, why should that bother ANYONE? I thought taking OWNERSHIP of your own flaws, shortcomings, and whatnot was supposed to be a good thing? Not that not having or wanting kids is a flaw—my point it just that people do a lot of stupid things for a lot of stupid reasons, or no reason at all. When a woman is smart enough to know what she wants and what she is or isn’t capable of, we should COMMEND her, not CONDEMN her, for this.

Right now law makers in Arizona are trying to help employers get out of covering birth control in their health insurance plans if a woman doesn’t MEDICALLY need to use it, such as in the case of PCOS. So having perspective on where we are at in life means nothing? Not wanting children, which is everyone’s right to chose just as much as the decision TO have them means nothing?

Why do I get the feeling these are the same folks that would call me a whore for what I do? An abomination for not wanting to be a mother. A brazen strumpet for peddling sex for a living, even when I’m never face-to-face with my “lovers”.

I believe phone sex and other forms of pornography fill a gap in people’s lives. I’ve talked with and made phone love to men who were hurting emotionally, in places where women were not available to them, and even just guys who are too shy to approach women. I provide an outlet for these guys, and that makes ME feel good inside. I get off on getting them off. I get off on making people feel good. How could anyone think this a sin? Because at the end of the day, we are ALL sexual creatures. If we weren’t we’d die off. Not everyone needs to procreate, but everyone DOES need to have sex. The body yearns for this, despite our best efforts sometimes!

Dear readers, my beloved perverts…please think twice before you take any more power away from us ladies. I couldn’t be here serving you up amazing “O’s” if I had a kid on each hip. I’m not ready. And I might not ever be. So what? Who is it hurting? Less taxes out of your pocket, right? Shouldn’t they all rejoice this choice? And If society protects my right to say “I’m not ready yet” regarding having sex in the first place (no means no!), why do they not want to protect my right to say I’m not ready to have children, which is a thousand times more of a big commitment?

Ok, ok, Sedussa is done bitching for today. Back to the phone so I can work off the terrible headache this subject has given me with some good, old-fashioned phone fucking! I fuck, therefore I am. No baby required. ;P

-Sedussa <3

There are few people in this world with as much mastery of the depraved as John Waters. True, ever since the late 70’s he’s gotten more mild and mainstream, and let’s face it—how can one top Pink Flamingos? But I was reminded (and inspired) last night that sexual depravity CAN be an art form. I re-watched “A Dirty Shame”, and had forgotten just how funny this movie is. The very idea that sexual addiction is “a privilege” had me nodding empathically. And I found myself texting one-liners to my friends. A few faves:
“He has no right to be that hard!”
“Look, I’m not a prude—I’m married to an Italian.”
“It’s not safe out! People are shaving their crotches as we speak! There’s pubic hair in the air! Everywhere!”
I love Water’s ability to poke fun at the stick-up-their-arse folks who still think it reasonable to “wait until marriage”…folks who are so ashamed at their own sexuality that they have to lash out at others. I also love his ability to turn any kind of smut, depravity, or otherwise “gross” obsession into glamour. Sex will ALWAYS be a fascinating subject, and he handles it with the seriousness of a court jester, thankfully. I rely on people like Waters to shed some forgiving light on what I do. Yes, I love sex. All kinds of sex, with all kinds of people. I love my job. I love knowing I’ve pleased someone. And if that makes me a whore, so be it. There are less honorable ways of putting a roof over one’s head, I’m sure you’ll agree. At least we both know what the other wants, and is willing to give it.
It’s time for people to take the stigma out of sex and realize it’s a healthy, natural thing. We all do it, or, at least, we all WISH we were doing it! And further, fetishes are more commonplace than you think. This movie reveals some of the many “unusual” fetishes you might not have heard about. The point is– we’re out there! All around you!

So I just wanted to thank Mr. Waters for just pointing out what we are all thinking anyway. It’s time to go sexing!

Posted in Sex.

Soooooo…last night I was trying to sleep but finding it impossible, so I decided to do the next best thing- masturbate! Now, we all have our techniques, our toys, and our own styles. Since I get off hard a lot with my job, when it comes to MY OWN sexy alone time, I’m a bullet girl! It’s quick, easy, and right to the point. (I save the giant dildo for more special occasions that my nightly O!) So last night I got out my AWESOME bullet, whom I have named Clint. Clint has 5 different speeds/rhythms, all of which are good depending on how fast I want to cum.

So…I grabbed Clint, pressed him right up against my little clit, hit the button….and nothing! Not even a wiggle! Had I burned him out? Were his batteries suddenly completely dead? No…no this could not be! I have other toys…but I wanted Clint! Clint is, well, effortless. He doesn’t make a mess and since he’s external, doesn’t really need to be cleaned as much as other toys. He’s discreet, economical…and dead. I could almost feel a tear in my eye—I had been looking forward to our date all day, especially since it was my day off, so I didn’t have the usual work-related masturbation holding me over!

As I laid there frustrated and sad, a movie scene popped into my mind: Naomi Watts in Mulholland Drive, fingering herself like mad while also sobbing like a bitch. I don’t know if it is the masochist in me or what, but that scene turned me on, even though I get the impression it was SUPPOSED to creep us out! This got me thinking about other masturbation scenes in movies. Like Natalie Portman in Black Swan—where she looks over and her mother is asleep right on the chair! Now THAT ONE I do think was creepy…but still HOT. I mean, Natalie Portman could be taking a shit and look hot, right? That’s one girl I’d love to get crazy lesbo on! Anyway, that led to yet another scene burned indelibly into my mind: the masturbation scene of Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female. (LOVE that movie!) Remember how Bridget Fonda’s character sees her by accident? JJL isn’t nearly as hot as Portman, though.

Then I tried to think of GUY masturbation scenes. Hate to say it, but I don’t really like those American Pie-type movies about horny teenagers. I prefer things a little more erotic. Dick and fart jokes are a bit too low-ball for me. So outside of those few that came to mind, I had a bit of trouble coming up with any GOOD male masturbation scenes. Finally I remembered an indie movie called “Nowhere”, where the bunny from Donnie Darko (no idea what his name is and I’m too lazy right now to look it up) jerks it in the shower while his mother (Beverly D’Angelo) beats on the bathroom door. Ok, now that WAS kind of hot. Oh! And speaking of Beverly D’Angelo…she was a lesbian ghost who masturbated through her clothes in The Sentinal! My mind just kept on connecting these masturbatory dots!

Next came Tommy Boy! David Spade jerking it window-side until Chris Farley walks in! Classic! And then he teased him all night, asking him if he’s favorite Rascal was Spanky! God I love that movie. (Stoner classic! Shhhhhh!)

Last but not least, the super pathetic and sad scene where Mark Walberg tries to whack it for money in Boogie Nights, but can’t get it up. Then a bunch of dudes kick the crap out of him.

All of these scenes converged in my mind into one, giant masturbation montage. And before I knew it, my index finger was manually stroking my little button, rubbing one out to the visuals of all of them doing the same. So I finally got mine…what about you?

What is YOUR favorite masturbation movie scene?

nice ass for phone sex

Oh boys…how I’ve missed writing you these last few days. Well, it’s because I’ve been working my sexy round ass off! You see, since I take such great pride in what I do, I’m always looking for ways to improve. My latest challenge has been getting even better at building the visual pictures for my clients. Sure, my moaning goes a long way, but my descriptions could be even better. Like I mentioned my sexy round ass…I could take that a lot further, couldn’t I? I could tell you that I’ve got an apple-bottom shape, with a low crack like you’d find in one of those old English or Roman paintings of a woman lounging naked on a bed. I could tell you that it is firm enough to bounce a quarter off of, and has the nicest rebound bounce when you spank it! I could tell you the size of my beloved booty is exaggerated by the fact that it tapers into a tiny little waist PERFECT for holding onto we you’ve got my flipped around in doggie-style. I could tell you that despite my overall petite figure, that I’m thicker in the thighs, offering the best cushion for the pushin’, as they say.
See what fun words can be? I could explain my breasts—instead of the usual boring old size (naturally large C, maybe small D cup) I could go on to tell you that my areolas are the most lovely terracotta-mixed-with-pink color. They are on the larger size, but the nipples themselves are tiny and cute, and perfect for sucking and nibbling…
Yes, I’m working on painting a picture worth a thousand words. I want to make sure your c*ck responds EXACTLY how I want it to: popping up at full attention. Because this body DESERVES a throbbing rod ready for it. See…what I do is an art, and I’ve got all the right tools.

phone sex lips

10) I’m allowed to say “fuck”…even highly encouraged. (Got in trouble for this at my last job!)
9) I don’t have to be ashamed for being “horny at work”.
8) The dress code is SEXY! Birthday suits are always welcome.
7) I don’t have to leave my house! Gas ain’t cheap these days, yo!
6) Finding out what other people’s kinks are…and adopting some I liked for myself!
5) My phone is a tax write-off.
4) My apartment is a tax write-off. Well, at least part of it.
3) I have the safest sex of anyone I know!
2) Every single day is different!
1) Getting paid to masturbate!
Yup…it’s a decent life I live in the phonesex biz. I love talking to new guys. I love my regulars. I feel very sorry for people stuck in a cubicle, having to trek to the water cooler to get 3 mins to be social. I have always been a big talker, and so for me it is great to be able to gab and flirt and tease all day long. Plus, I love knowing for sure I’ve satisfied my customers!
Ok, enough bragging, talk to you all soon, I hope!

phone_sex

Hello boys…it’s that time again…time for me to bear my dirty little soul to you all on here, giving you a rare inside peek into the world of phone sex…

Today I’d like to give tips to my callers about how to have absolute best experience on a phonesex call!

First of all, don’t be shy! There is nothing we haven’t heard—no kink, desire, or inclination that we haven’t experienced before from a caller. So don’t worry about bringing up what you really want—we won’t judge! Let it all hang out!

Second, it’s YOUR fantasy! Role-playing is one of the best parts of the job! We all could use a little time away from the realities of our lives, so take the time to indulge. Since it’s a fantasy, take it all the way! Be who you want to be, and we’ll be who you want us to be!

Third, take it slow. I know, I know, it’s your “dime”, but don’t rush in so much you can’t enjoy one of the best parts of sex- foreplay! The more you let me “rev” you up, the more rewarding your climax will be!

Lastly, don’t’ forget to tell us we pleased you! Nothing makes us happier than knowing we’ve satisfied our customers!

That’s it for now boy! Happy, horny dialing! xoxo

man chowder

Ooooooh boy…every now and then, I get a caller that says something that really makes me laugh and just takes me by total surprise. You’d think in this line of work it would be HARD to be surprised, but no! Sometimes I have to hold back an urge to just LOL…and it ain’t easy!

So I was on the phone last night with a caller from Kentucky. I love my southern callers—the accent is both charming and funny, and they are usually pretty nice guys, and young too. I like to picture them all as sexy cowboys with thick, 8” cocks who like it a bit rough…so anyway, we were getting into it; I had his pants around his ankles, and he was doing what you boys do, and yeah, I might have had my panties down too (it’s important to enjoy your work!) and I was starting to feel myself getting close, and I could hear HE was definitely close. Everything was perfect, and right as he came (beating me to my big O), he shouted: “Take that man chowder, bitch!”

MAN CHOWDER?! I could hardly contain my laughter – I actually about fell out of my chair, my own orgasm be damned for the moment, when he said this. The idea of picturing his cum with little chunks of potato and clam in there…it was TOO FUCKING FUNNY!  Jim Carey as Ace Ventura popped into my head and I almost wanted to ask him “New York, or Manhattan?”

But don’t worry, I still got my O—I ALWAYS do. It just had a momentary interruption!

I had NEVER heard that term before– and like I said, I thought I’d heard it all– but damn, that shit is hilarious! I may just have to add that one to my little sexy lexicon! Yes, boys, I will eat every last bite of your delicious man chowder! Keep it warm for me, OK? You’d like that, right? ;)  If it tastes as good as it sounds, it’s a date!

OK, signing off for now, your favorite little slut phone goddess,

Sedussa <3