No one is noticing my legendary hat because of mom.

Xavier: Do you need step father?


Life as a kid must be hard when your mom is way too young and way too fucking sexy, literally attracting more attention than you. She’s doing it “for the gram” in those skintight outfits and you’re probably traumatized by it. In your subconscious mind, you might even get horny and have “wet” dreams of your own mother!

Do you remember her breastfeeding you when you were little, which makes you want to grope and suck on her titties now?

Did she ever undress or change clothes in front of you so your model of a grown woman is your mom?

What in the actual fuck…

Is it your fault tho that your mom makes herself look that way?

Don’t blame yourself for having such dirty, nasty, incestuous thoughts.

Phone sex therapy will alleviate your issues with Mommy in the meantime. Talk it out with me, and stroke it if you have to. Confess to me what you cannot EVER tell a soul!

You know what to do, honey…I’ll be waiting for your call!

Call 1-800-HOTMILF

I love phone sex commercial spoofs, they’re funny as fuck and they make my day. There has to be humor in what I do or else I’d be very sad and probably just kill myself.

But seriously though, who’s the babe? She’s HOT!! And can we say TIG OL’ BITTIES much??😍😍😍

Good job Huf, you’ve got me to pay attention!

So fuck it, you wanna have some one-on-one phone sex fun for real?? Click or call the phone number below!

Call 1-800-PHONESEX

Not phone sex related at all but if you’re bored and want to watch two super cute girls answer dirty questions, then this is for you.

Karlee Grey is an adult film actress and Lena the Plug is famous on social media – I found her on YouTube; they are both really intelligent, funny and just fun to watch. I had nothing else to do, so yeah I watched. If I were a guy, I’d probably rub one out ’cause they’re both really hot and busty. Enjoy!

Or you can just call for some good old fashioned phone sex and talk to a real person, it’s up to you. Just click the phone number below:

Call 1-800-PHONESEX

I think it’s great how phone sex is being destigmatized and talked about in a more positive light; it’s been a topic of discussion on social media for some time now, especially YouTube. The truth is, I haven’t been inspired by phone sex lately – I’ve been doing this for a while and I’m sort of having an ‘existential crisis-slash-I don’t know what to do with myself anymore’ moment and so I haven’t posted anything here. But I searched “phone sex” on YouTube and found this gem, I laughed and loved the people in it and so had to share this with you as you all know I’m all about humor and funny ass shit. So have a laugh and enjoy!

If you feel compelled to call, just click that phone number baby!😘

Call 1-800-PHONESEX

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For gay phone sex, call 1-800-WET-DICK

Mondays fucking suck. I’m trying to have a better PMA and shit but fuck. I just wanna cuss everyone out today and tell everyone to fuck off. I don’t wanna read anymore of your annoying fucking emails, I don’t want to do anymore fucking work. JUST GO AWAY AND LET ME LOOK AT MEMES.😫

I’m raging pretty hard right now and I’m horny as fuck too, blame my period! I feel like getting pounded hard on the phone while I ride one of my favorite toys saying “OH FUCK, FUCK YEAH. SLIDE THAT COCK IN REAL GOOD, BABY…MY PUSSY IS ALL BLOODY AND SLIPPERY AND WET FOR YOU…MY JUICES ARE LITERALLY DRIPPING DOWN MY THIGHS…OH YEAH BABY THAT FEELS SOOOOOO GOOD, YOU’RE GUNNA MAKE ME CUM HARD ALL OVER YOUR BIG, HARD FUCKING COCK!!”😮🍆💦

So who’s down for some agressive phone sex right now?? CALL ME IF YOU’RE ANGRY AS FUCK TOO!!

SO YEAH, FUCK YOU. COME AND FUCK ME.🖕😡🖕

Call 1-800-PHONESEX*

Fuckin dying over here, holmes! I briefly read the comments and someone said they actually called it and it’s real?? Even better!😂

Anyways, if you wanna call us for phone sex you know what to do!

Call 1-800-PHONESEX*

Watch me try phone sex with @comedianjoncea and @kanishaiscomedy 😂😂 link in bio!

A post shared by Patrick Cloud (@patrickcloud) on

Basically my life. Guys with accents are cool.

Call 1-800-PHONESEX*

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Call 1-800-SEXTALK

When my boyfriend and I can’t have sex in the house, we go to the park.

And honestly, by the time we get there – we’re so fucking horny at that point that we pretty much stopped giving a fuck.

And that’s when weird stuff starts to happen.

It happened on a Wednesday night. My parents were home, talking in the kitchen. We were pretending to watch TV in the living room but Mike (my hot as fuck BF) was putting his hand up my miniskirt. He managed to pull my sticky panties aside and started to fingerbang me with his fat middle finger. Jesus fucking christ I was getting so slippery wet, I wanted to lock lips with him & let him fuck me already. Instead, I let out a soft moan and stared at the TV.

So I told my parents that we were going to the store to get something sweet. Lame excuse but it always works. My parents are always distracted about whatever the fuck they’re talking about anyway. Lucky me!

We walk to the park which is about 3 blocks down. This park is fun, it has lots of trees and bushes. Kind of hidden, which is a perfect spot to fuck. Other people fuck here too, I guess they have the same idea as us.

But we were alone tonight in the open air. Just the silent trees and bushes, (I think).

Mike and I didn’t waste no time & were pretty much dry humping on the damn bench. God, he sure was making me horny! It was dark except for the lamp that was a few feet away from the bench so it literally made the park pitch black while we had the soft light on us. I didn’t care, I wanted Mike to fuck me in every which way. God, he’s hot – tall, dark hair, brown skin, big dick.

So I slid down from Mike’s crotch, got on my knees, pulled down his pants and started sucking on that big dick. I bobbed, slobbered, went up and down that diamond hard shaft. I made loud, sucking noises & that really got him going. He starts to moan for me.

It must’ve been a full minute when I started to feel like we weren’t alone. Mike was lost in ecstasy while I started to shift my eyes, I couldn’t see anything. Tree shadows, bushes maybe?

So I kept on sucking, but felt a little uneasy.

Then I heard a man grunting. It was definitely a man. I heard distinct sounds of ‘fap, fap, fap’ repeatedly and my eyes widened with terror. There’s a fuckin homeless man jerking off to us!

I wanted to scream. Yes, with a cock in my mouth

Even worse, Mike wouldn’t let me stop sucking him off. He felt me tightening up & getting scared and kept his hands firmly on my head, telling me ‘it’s ok baby, it’s ok, we’re almost done here. Just some homeless dude, he’s harmless. Keep at it baby, you’re gonna make me fucking CUM!’

I didn’t want to let Mike down so I kept on sucking. Faster and faster, with a homeless man grunting and fapping in the background. I closed my eyes shut and thought about all the fucking I was gonna get from Mike later. Missionary, doggy, reverse cowgirl, eating my pussy, 69, maybe (MAYYYYBE) anal. Just imagining him having his way with me made me so wet. I wanted him to pump his dick into me, I wanted so bad to have sloppy ass sex with him. Mike must’ve been reading my mind ‘cuz he was about to CUM…

and then my mouth filled up with HOT, thick come.

Then the grubby man came out of the darkness, drunk with dick in hand saying “That was the best goddamn live porno I’ve ever seen! Thanks for the free show kids!” And stumbled off into the park, laughing like a maniac.

I slapped Mike square in the face, called him an asshole and walked off.

Ohhh you better fuck me good tonight, Mike. I just gave you a blowjob in front of a fucking bum! Gross.

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Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

It’s funny, awkward, but also really sexy! And if you want sexy, pay close attention to the interracial couple. Omfg, that was actually pretty damn HOT.

So how much hotter would it be with a completely anonymous person? Find out for yourself…

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX