Wow. So I have not posted anything trans/shemale-related in a while. To tell you the truth I am so over sex right now, I honestly think it’s overrated. Like I can’t stand to watch people fuck and I don’t wanna watch porn – it’s fucking boring. You might be even thinking right now that I’m probably not getting fucked right or something. Maybe, perhaps…but that’s besides the point.😝

The point is, this photo is hot as fuck. I’m into seeing people DRESS UP for sex. I think I have a fetish. I don’t want to see naked people anymore, I want to see women, men, queer, trans – basically people of all shapes in sizes feeling beautiful and powerful as fuck in their SEX OUTFITS.

Not only is she hot, but she has a bigass fucking cock. She’ll literally fuck and pound your ass into submission.

Call 1-800-GIRLMAN

Watch me try phone sex with @comedianjoncea and @kanishaiscomedy 😂😂 link in bio!

A post shared by Patrick Cloud (@patrickcloud) on

Basically my life. Guys with accents are cool.

Call 1-800-PHONESEX*

Seriously though, who doesn’t love a big fucking ass? So round, so thick, so spankable, so juicy! Call now if you’re an ASSMAN, baby!! I can’t wait to put my ass all up in your face and let you smell it!😋🍑😋🍑😋🍑

Call 1-800-ASK-4-ASS

I know, I know – not everyone believes in this.

And yet there are LOTS of guys out there with real girlfriends or real wives, who still seek something more than what they already have. And I’m not just talking about the good ol’ in and out; I’m talking about all kinds of sex in different forms – phone & cam sex, VR sex, sexting, watching porn and jerking off to it, etc.

Why is that?

Men get bored. Women get bored too. Shit, EVERYBODY gets bored at some point. Having another option makes it exciting, even sort of dangerous. It’s quite normal. That’s probably one of the reasons why Ashley Madison was so popular (remember them)?

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that paying for sex is fine because:

  1. You have that person’s full attention.
  2. Sex workers are motivated by money because it’s an incentive. I mean DUH, who isn’t? Isn’t that why we ALL get up to go to work every single day?
  3. The person you want to have sex with IRL is probably tired, or something, or something else. Long day at work, my period is here, I’m not in the fucking mood, you smell like onions and the list goes on and on…am I right??
  4. The US economy is not in the greatest condition. People need money. There are hardly any real jobs left since they’ve mostly been outsourced, so a lot more people have added sex work to their list of work options. Supporting a sex worker from the US means you are giving back to our economy and helping it grow.

So what’s the freaking point of this blog post? Simple. Just be okay with paying for it. We all pay for our desires one way or another. Sex is no different.

With that being said, phone sex is probably the most harmless out of all the kinds of sex you can have. We’re basically enhancing the fantasies you already have, via voice.

So give us a call:

Call 1-800-PHONE-SEX*

Since no one comments on what they actually want to see on here (other than wanting to fuck or wanting to see my boobs), I will attempt to resume posting big tit gifs.

So stop being a lurker and call…

Call 1-800-SEXTALK

via GIPHY

What’s up guys, girls and nonbinary people – if there’s any who read this!

So you probably know this already: I don’t know what to blog about on here anymore and I sound like a broken fucking record.

FUCKING A, RIGHT?

At this point, I just feel like typing whatever the fuck I want to type. It’s not gonna make sense anymore. It will be gibberish, or it will be poetry.

One thing is for sure though, it will be SEX. Whatever oozes out of my mouth will be cream-filled, sloppy, dirty, addictive, RAW.

I’m pretty much rambling now. Not sure where this is going, but I don’t care.

I want someone who will FUCK my brains out with words. Someone who is on MY FUCKING LEVEL.

Someone who will stimulate my brain SO FUCKING MUCH, that I start to cream and get wet…FOR REAL.

Someone who will PHONEFUCK ME over and over again. If you don’t believe that anything can actually happen just by talking to someone over the phone, FUCK YOU and FUCK OFF. Why are you reading this then??

‘Cause I got you hooked, that’s why.

You’re hooked on the things I say, you’re SO hooked that you want to meet me.

And that’s why I AM SEX, a SEX GODDESS WHO PENETRATES YOU WITH HER WORDS.

You may or may not get me (the actual writer of this blog post) on the phone, but you might get someone who will stimulate the FUCK out of you and give you as much MENTAL PENETRATION as you need.

Stop assuming that sex is only physical. Sex is mental, sex is also spiritual.

So, are you up for the FUCKING challenge? Are you ready to have your MIND FUCKED in every which way? And are you as equally ready to GIVE BACK?

Call 1-800-SEXTALK

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My daughter and her boyfriend decided to visit me recently.

They arrived way earlier than I expected and they pretty much caught me banging a young guy who happened to live in the same apartment building as me…

the guy was old enough to be my daughter’s boyfriend. Needless to say, it was really, really awkard!

He wasn’t even really all that good looking to be honest; but he was charming and quite persistent.

I pretty much couldn’t say NO as soon as I felt that long, hard shaft of his. I mean for fuck’s sake, LOOK AT IT! Who knew that such an awkward 19 year old boy could be so HUNG like a freakin horse?? Oh my goodness. But don’t get it twisted, I’m not some floozy off the streets okay? It’s been a while since I’ve had sex and this…THIS was completely random. I probably would never do something like that again. But wow I can’t deny it, the sex was fucking AMAZING. That boy had a lot of energy and he was incredibly strong. Just thinking about his hard cock pumping into my dripping, wet cunt is making me all gushy again; it’s hard to believe that I just let myself go like that.

I even think my daughter’s boyfriend was quite interested in what he saw that day. I mean honestly, look at me – you can’t deny that my tits are simply amazing.

Imagine walking in on something like that…how would you react?

Call: 800-MOM-SEX4U

I love how a man always assumes that a woman’s fantasy always has another girl in it. Even my fucking boyfriend assumes that if and when we’re gonna have a threesome – it basically means me, him and another girl.

Well, did it ever occur to you that a woman’s fantasy might involve 2 guys instead?

Oh my bad, it’s always about YOU and what YOU want, isn’t it? You must be thinking: fuck what a girl wants. It’s all about ME.

Perhaps you don’t know women as much as you think you do…

To be honest I’d rather masturbate, play out MY own fantasies, CUM GOOD and CUM HARD than get pounded mediocrely in real life and not cum at all. But hey, that’s just me.

Did you know that most women don’t even have an orgasm during sex? Sure we get turned on and we definitely get wet, but it’s not the same as coming. Guys have a happy ending, women do not.

And just because you’re attractive and have a big dick, doesn’t always mean the sex is guaranteed to be amazing.

This opens up a window of opportunity for guys who don’t think they’re that good looking. If you and I are having phone sex and you’re smart, funny, sexy and engaging me a certain way…AND you have a sexy fucking voice to top it off…

then I might feel a certain way about you when our session is done, regardless of how you look.

Do you see where this is going? Fantasies are the real deal. You could be ugly as fuck in real life (same goes with phone sex operators haha) but your voice and personality might be really sexy and irresistable. Looks aren’t always everything.

Annnnd I lost track as to the point of this blog post.

Just kidding, I remember now: I sooo want to get banged by two dudes. In real life.

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So if you think you’re open-minded enough to share me with another guy…or maybe you’re a shapeshifting humanoid alien who can produce another dick from your body to satisfy me?

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

I honestly have no fucking clue how we even have 20! Subscribers to this blog. That’s insanity. But thank you, I guess?? I can’t even believe the blog has lasted this long – I’ve pretty much run out of things to say like 6 months ago.

So here’s a pic of my big round ass and my gorgeous asshole, spread wide so I can ride this dick proper. You know it’s really not me, but let’s just pretend it is, ok??😜

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Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX