The only way you can have ‘Mom’ all to yourself is to call. Otherwise, she’s a busy fucking lady in real life – cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to school, pleasing her husband and being effortlessly sexy. So you better make it worth her time, otherwise she’s hanging up!

Just kidding.

But seriously though, be prepared. Don’t be shy to tell me what you want, ok?😘

Call: 1-800-MOM-SEX-4U

Ok seriously, WTF. Who did this?? I’m shocked obviously and my mind is blown. Like, where did you all come from?? Did you all come from Brazzers.com??

So thanks a lot people…now the PRESSURE is really ON for me to post some really good content here! SMH.

Haha, not. I do what I want!!😝

Nothing’s changed. Just getting more traffic, that’s all.

So enjoy the archives…or call right now for a hot phonefuck. Bye!

Call 1-800-PHONESEX*

How great is it to know that us ladies still have something to look forward to as we age! Pornstar MILF actress Julia Ann proves that age is bullshit. Nina Hartley is much older and she looks fucking great too. There’s a handful of ladies that are thriving and doing it well in an industry that values youth and tight skin and so I have nothing but the utmost respect for these mature babes.

So are you into mature women? If you’re ready to stop fucking around with young girls who don’t know what the fuck they want then click to call now!😘

Call: 1-800-MOM-SEX-4U

Can’t get enough of Julia Ann? Here is her Instagram!

Wow. So I have not posted anything trans/shemale-related in a while. To tell you the truth I am so over sex right now, I honestly think it’s overrated. Like I can’t stand to watch people fuck and I don’t wanna watch porn – it’s fucking boring. You might be even thinking right now that I’m probably not getting fucked right or something. Maybe, perhaps…but that’s besides the point.😝

The point is, this photo is hot as fuck. I’m into seeing people DRESS UP for sex. I think I have a fetish. I don’t want to see naked people anymore, I want to see women, men, queer, trans – basically people of all shapes in sizes feeling beautiful and powerful as fuck in their SEX OUTFITS.

Not only is she hot, but she has a bigass fucking cock. She’ll literally fuck and pound your ass into submission.

Call 1-800-GIRLMAN

Watch me try phone sex with @comedianjoncea and @kanishaiscomedy 😂😂 link in bio!

A post shared by Patrick Cloud (@patrickcloud) on

Basically my life. Guys with accents are cool.

Call 1-800-PHONESEX*

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Call 1-800-SEXTALK

Seriously though, who doesn’t love a big fucking ass? So round, so thick, so spankable, so juicy! Call now if you’re an ASSMAN, baby!! I can’t wait to put my ass all up in your face and let you smell it!😋🍑😋🍑😋🍑

Call 1-800-ASK-4-ASS

I gotta hand it to the porn stars and sex workers – they’re pretty much on the front lines when it comes to dealing with creeps, and I admire that very much. I gotta admit that I’m not as bold or tough as those women but luckily for me, I still have a barrier (the phone) – which still gives me a safe distance from the occasional creep that calls.

So maybe you’re a creep but aren’t aware of it? Here are some telltale signs:

  1. You stare at women without hiding it at all, to the point where the woman is visibly uncomfortable. How can you tell she is uncomfortable? She’s probably not making eye contact with you, or she simply moves away.
  2. You say gross things that obviously disgust women, or she tells you outright that what you said was ‘creepy as fuck’.
  3. Women don’t want to be around you for too long. Observe this in real life and see if it holds true for you.
  4.  You look and act creepy. You don’t have to be ‘normal’, but for the sake of others, at least pretend that you are.

Here is a short guide that will make you more self-aware of your own creepiness:

  1. Stop saying creepy stuff to women, especially if you barely know them.
  2. If you’re in public or hanging with friends, don’t stare at a woman for too long.
  3. Stop staring. Period. Or at least, be very subtle about it.
  4. Respect her decision to say “No” to you. Don’t be offended and start calling her names because you didn’t get what you wanted.

Here’s the thing – it’s okay to admire women – we’re beautiful, we’re smart and we’re sexy. But don’t make it obvious! You wouldn’t like it if someone did it to you, right? Then act accordingly.

But Ms. Professional Pervert, what about the women who are just as much of a creep as the men? I’m gonna save that for another blog post.