Well, isn’t it? I guess if I were you, I’d be “here” just for the pictures too!

Does it even matter that I haven’t updated this blog since last year? I don’t think it does.

You see, I’m having an existensial crisis of some sort. Things that used to have meaning for me no longer don’t. Like this blog. That’s why I stopped updating it.

Our minds evolve from wanting one thing to wanting something else.

Except I don’t know what that “something else” is.

So while I’m staying low key trying to figure shit out, I decided I would write something quick here. So if someone is actually reading this – I hope you are happy, healthy and most of all…horny! Because horny guys keeps us in business.

Have a great start to this new year. And yes, give us a call. Cock hungry MILF sluts are waiting to slob on that knob! Bye!😘😜😝

Call: 800-MOM-SEX4U

When my boyfriend and I can’t have sex in the house, we go to the park.

And honestly, by the time we get there – we’re so fucking horny at that point that we pretty much stopped giving a fuck.

And that’s when weird stuff starts to happen.

It happened on a Wednesday night. My parents were home, talking in the kitchen. We were pretending to watch TV in the living room but Mike (my hot as fuck BF) was putting his hand up my miniskirt. He managed to pull my sticky panties aside and started to fingerbang me with his fat middle finger. Jesus fucking christ I was getting so slippery wet, I wanted to lock lips with him & let him fuck me already. Instead, I let out a soft moan and stared at the TV.

So I told my parents that we were going to the store to get something sweet. Lame excuse but it always works. My parents are always distracted about whatever the fuck they’re talking about anyway. Lucky me!

We walk to the park which is about 3 blocks down. This park is fun, it has lots of trees and bushes. Kind of hidden, which is a perfect spot to fuck. Other people fuck here too, I guess they have the same idea as us.

But we were alone tonight in the open air. Just the silent trees and bushes, (I think).

Mike and I didn’t waste no time & were pretty much dry humping on the damn bench. God, he sure was making me horny! It was dark except for the lamp that was a few feet away from the bench so it literally made the park pitch black while we had the soft light on us. I didn’t care, I wanted Mike to fuck me in every which way. God, he’s hot – tall, dark hair, brown skin, big dick.

So I slid down from Mike’s crotch, got on my knees, pulled down his pants and started sucking on that big dick. I bobbed, slobbered, went up and down that diamond hard shaft. I made loud, sucking noises & that really got him going. He starts to moan for me.

It must’ve been a full minute when I started to feel like we weren’t alone. Mike was lost in ecstasy while I started to shift my eyes, I couldn’t see anything. Tree shadows, bushes maybe?

So I kept on sucking, but felt a little uneasy.

Then I heard a man grunting. It was definitely a man. I heard distinct sounds of ‘fap, fap, fap’ repeatedly and my eyes widened with terror. There’s a fuckin homeless man jerking off to us!

I wanted to scream. Yes, with a cock in my mouth

Even worse, Mike wouldn’t let me stop sucking him off. He felt me tightening up & getting scared and kept his hands firmly on my head, telling me ‘it’s ok baby, it’s ok, we’re almost done here. Just some homeless dude, he’s harmless. Keep at it baby, you’re gonna make me fucking CUM!’

I didn’t want to let Mike down so I kept on sucking. Faster and faster, with a homeless man grunting and fapping in the background. I closed my eyes shut and thought about all the fucking I was gonna get from Mike later. Missionary, doggy, reverse cowgirl, eating my pussy, 69, maybe (MAYYYYBE) anal. Just imagining him having his way with me made me so wet. I wanted him to pump his dick into me, I wanted so bad to have sloppy ass sex with him. Mike must’ve been reading my mind ‘cuz he was about to CUM…

and then my mouth filled up with warm, thick come.

Then the grubby man came out of the darkness, drunk with dick in hand saying “That was the best goddamn live porno I’ve ever seen! Thanks for the free show kids!” And stumbled off into the park, laughing like a maniac.

I slapped Mike square in the face, called him an asshole and walked off.

Ohhh you better fuck me good tonight, Mike. I just gave you a blowjob in front of a fucking bum! Gross.

tumblr_n3s4xm4b4r1svwz07o1_400

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

I don’t really get out much these days so I absolutely LOVE Netflix. I can be holed up in my apartment for days just binge-watching stuff. I’ll go to a movie once in a great while but it’s so freakin’ expensive these days. I sound like a boring cunt IRL, but trust me – I can turn you on with my sexy voice! You just have to call. Anyhow, here’s a page from an old phone sex mailer where we did silly movie references. Sex is cheesy, you know? Enjoy & as always – give us a call if you’re horny! ;)

bisexual-phonesex

Call now: 888-ASK-4SEX

office-phonesex-bored

Phone sex is hard work. Yeah, seriously! It’s similiar to working in an office: your room has to be quiet so there should be absolutely no distractions; you have to focus, pay attention and most of all – you have to work super HARD to make the guy CUM and feel satisfied. So you gotta respect the ladies who do this for a living. And don’t ask for a freebie either, it’s not gonna happen. Anyways, so that is my intro to this sexy throwback phone sex mailer from 2011. Is there a sexy co-worker on your mind? Maybe she’s your boss – you think she’s a mega bitch but you also think she’s hot as fuck? If so, tell us about it. Just click to call baby…

Call 800-ASK-4SEX

Sorry for posting this so late, I completely forgot tonight was the night! Well here is our throwback version of the Oscars from 2013! Enjoy ;)

P.S. I’m also aware that my use of #tbt isn’t appropriate because it’s not Thursday yet. But no fucks given over here.

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

allure-phonesex-2013

Click for Part 2!