Sorry to disappoint but my adult fantasy isn’t very exciting or creative.

I watched Batman vs. Superman recently and it was really hard to choose who I would go for:

on the one hand you’ve got Superman aka Clark Kent – dark hair, blue eyes, handsome, strong yet gentle & totally out of this world.

On the other hand, you’ve got Batman aka Bruce Wayne – also handsome, wealthy, mysterious and kind of dark around the edges.

They are both equally fit and so very attractive; I would fuck them both in a heartbeat.

And Wonder Woman would probably be my girlfriend in an alternate universe but she would probably be too busy for me so…

let’s get back to Batman & Superman.

Like I said, my fantasy is nothing out of the ordinary. I really just want to get banged by both of these men at the same time.

I would want to start off slow of course, taking turns kissing them and touching their chiseled faces. I’m wearing office attire just like Lois Lane (except my hair is dark and I’m a lot more curvy & busty) – white button up shirt, black pencil skirt and heels, my hair tied up in a bun. I rub my hands up and down their hard, smooth bodies and can feel their cocks rising up to meet my hands.

We don’t have sex right away. We’re just kissing and groping each other for some time. I haven’t figured out how these two hunks of flesh are going to undress themselves and start pounding me, I suppose it just happens somehow…

I lead them both to the couch so I can take turns straddling them. I take turns kissing them while I’m on all fours, I take a playful bite at Superman’s rock hard cock and he flings me back with superhuman strength and Batman catches me. He’s got a tight grip on me and I’m now sandwiched in between these two, insanely strong men; I can feel Batman’s hardon poking me from behind his suit and starts to unzip and pull my skirt down while Superman unbuttons my shirt and presses himself hard against me. He starts to put his hand around my neck and my tits, kisses me sloppily (as if he was the evil version of himself) while Batman pulls my panties halfway down and slides his black gloved hands up my dripping wet slit. By this time I can’t stand it, I am so fucking turned on. I’m really trying to control myself but I’m breathing heavily, my boobs are glistening in sweat and perfume and my panties are already beyond soaked. I think I already came? I don’t even know, but this is truly beyond my wildest dreams. I wish this moment would last forever.

Do you want to know what happens next?

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

I love Nina Hartley! This is a short video on how to pleasure a woman “down there”.

Here’s a short story submitted by a friend of mine (a guy):

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For whatever reason, I tend to attract bitchy, cunty women. Like they just think they can tell me what to do, be mean to me and I’ll totally accept it. Which is sad but quite true.

You see I’m kind of a mama’s boy, meaning I clung to my mom a lot as a kid and into my teens. She was divorced and mostly single, worked a lot and so it was basically me and her for a long time. She’d take me to school, then my friend’s mom would drop me off and I would wait for her to come home from work and we’d have dinner together.

It wasn’t always peaches and cream growing up around my mom though, she was kind of a fucking cunt. She would yell at me a lot and boss me around. She would make me do ALL kinds of chores – mop, clean the bathroom, do laundry, fold clothes and shit…like I was her personal fucking slave or something.

Yet believe it or not, I always did whatever she fucking said. I gave her dirty looks, cussed her out in my head but I never talked back. I was respectful as fuck. Then when I was done, she would come over, give me a hug and a kiss and say “you’re such a good son!”

The odd thing was, her bossing me around actually turned me on. As soon as I was done with all my chores, I was free. And then she’d switch off & was so sweet afterwards, she’d say “thank you, honey! I love you! You know, this is really for your own good.”

So I’d go to my room, lock the door, hop into bed and pull down my pants and start reliving the moment again…while jacking off to my mom.

I have vivid memories of her yelling at me and while she did, her gorgeous figure loomed over me – her heaving breasts, her wide hips and round ass, the way she smelled, her disapproving face, she was actually sexy as hell.

Even when I lost my virginity at 15, I was having all kinds of sex. But nothing really got me off as when I thought of my own damn mother. Yup, I’m one sick puppy!

Well one day, things changed. As I got older, I started going out more. I think that’s when my mom thought it was ok for her to start dating again, ‘cuz I was hardly home anymore. So my mom got herself a boyfriend, and guess what? It made me real fucking jealous. I just got replaced by some older dude and he’s plowing my mom!

I imagined them fucking, I imagined her moaning and groaning. It pissed me off and it got me even harder.

I wanted to be the one to do things to her, to make her feel good. I wanted to stare at her with her legs crossed, smoking a cigarette while I mopped the floor. And then she would tell me “you missed a spot, baby” and take a puff.

“You don’t get to fuck your own mother until all your chores are done. Got it?”

Yes ma’am!

I really want my mom physically and I’m gonna make it happen somehow. To be continued…

Call: 888-769-BETTY

I know I tend to mention big dicks a lot. And yes, if you read this blog regularly then you know how much I LOVE them but for the rest of the population…

it’s okay to be average.

it’s also okay to be smaller than average.

But you know what I really don’t like? Small dick guys who overcompensate & become jerks through their words and actions.

Please don’t be a jerk, don’t buy into the idea that you are less of a man (unless it’s your kink or whatever). It’s easier to just come clean and be honest than be a literal dick to people. But hey, if you want to lose friends/respect from your peers then by all means, carry on.

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that with phone sex or real life situations, get creative & use your imagination!

If your dick is small, be the best at licking pussy or to be gender-neutral here – giving head. They might be even down to try anal with you.

Remember boys and girls, porn is a fantasy. It is not real life. So don’t assume that your partner likes things a certain way just because you saw it in a porno. And don’t assume that your partner always likes it big! They might actually prefer something else. It may seem silly, but asking questions means you care about how the other person feels.

And that is my PSA for the day.

Is sex in real life still scary for you? Don’t worry, you can always have phone sex first! And who knows, you might learn a thing or two from our sexually skilled ladies ;)

Call 888-ASK-4SEX

p.s. I had to put a sexy version of Ron Jeremy here, because this is how I want to remember The Hedgehog.

I’m so confused right now, I’m experiencing all kinds of feels. Remember that one time I talked about my slutty mom? Well guess what, that fucking cunt did it again!

I already knew she was a whore (I mean, she does sex work for a living), but being my mom and all – I didn’t think she would take it there! Would you? I thought she loved and cared about me, like a mother should! What is it with thirsty women – they always seem to want other people’s property?! Well I guess my mom wanted MY property – I thought my boyfriend would be stronger than that, but I guess my mom “seduced” him and whatnot. Gross.

Anyway it happened when I came home from work early one evening, unexpectedly. I wasn’t feeling so good so I asked if I could go home.

It was quiet in the house when I got there, I wasn’t sure if anyone was home. But then I started to hear a faint moaning coming from her bedroom, and I knew it was my mom. I figured it was one of her “virtual” clients whom she regularly fucks via webcam so I ignored it.

But then I started to hear someone else groan…someone much younger and it sounded like my boyfriend! I swear to God.

But still, I didn’t make my presence known. All kinds of thoughts were racing through my head and my heart was beating really fast. I was mad as hell but at the same time, I was also kinda curious. Curious because I’m a bigtime voyeur. Watching real people have sex is kind of a turn on for me. It may seem super gross to think about my mom and my boyfriend doing it – but actually, my mom is hot. I know this for a fact because everytime we go out, she gets ogled by guys and she gets hit on A LOT. It’s disgusting but it’s the truth, it’s been like this eversince I was a kid. My mom goes all out when she goes out – makeup, high heels, nails done, skintight jeans or a dress that shows off her figure with her tits popping out just enough that you HAVE to look. There was never a time when she wasn’t all dolled up – she even has makeup on when she goes to the gym! Seriously, WTF.

Anyway, so I stayed quiet as I could – slowly creeping up the carpeted stairs and tiptoeing on the hallway. The door was slightly open so I got to hear them do it. It was too risky to push the door so I could peek and have it creak on me, so I just listened. The room has a dim lamp but the hallway was dark so I couldn’t be seen. The sounds they were making sounded really good actually, enough to make me want to touch myself. Sounded like my mom was riding him on top and she was having a blast moaning and groaning with her massive tits out. I could even hear skin on skin action – like her cunt juices must’ve been dripping all over his hard dick as she rode him, her lips and asscheeks slapping against his balls. It probably got her really wet. My boyfriend has a nice dick afterall, even nicer when it’s rock hard.

I don’t know how long they were at it, but I know for a fact that my boyfriend doesn’t last very long, 10-15 minutes max. He’s gonna cum soon.

My mom is almost 40. I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 24. Not sure what to do at this point, but I think I’m not going to say anything for now. I’m gonna work this to my advantage. My revenge is going to be sooooo sweet…

After a few minutes of listening on them which felt like an eternity, I slowly backed out of there. I left the house, drove off and sat in my car for a bit, thinking about stuff. It was definitely a rush for me, so much that I shoved my hand down inside my panties and felt my own wetness.

This means I can get my fuck on too!!

Who will it be though…

Call: 800-455-CUMM

Me at home, admiring my amazing fucking boobs. Why don’t you call me? I want to know what you’d do these tits…

Call 888-WET-TITS

What’s Your Offensive St. Patty’s Day Name?! pic.twitter.com/Lb4VPVWzZv

— ⚠️ Spartan Humor ⚠️ (@MSUHumor) March 14, 2014

Drunky McNasty, I think? I don’t know…

I really want to say something smartass-y for this post, but tbh I’m tired. Real life is fucking hard sometimes. Like I just wanna go home, crawl into bed and sleep for a few hours. Wake up at 9pm-ish, drink coffee (nightowl, remember?), clean my apartment, dance around and get pumped up, answer some phone sex calls and chill.

So yeah, that would be my ideal night. So call me Daddy & let’s fuck.

Call 888-ASK-4SEX

The cool thing about phone sex is that you or I can pretend to be whatever the fuck we want to be…

Like, you could be some weird creature with tentacles, wrapping your slimy, slithery extensions around my tight little body penetrating me in every hole…

While as usual I’m the helpless young girl, who just happens to have huge tits – being violated by your disgusting tentacles.

You force yourself on me while I’m kicking and screaming, ripping my underwear off, splitting my legs wide open – impregnating me in the process. I end up giving birth to this weird humanoid creature with tentacles.

But wait for it, there’s a twist!

I actually raise the damn creature and when the time is right, I track you down to exact revenge.

I make sure you experience the same things you put me through – hardcore tentacle rape!

My humanoid son is going to rape you with his tentacles, I did not ask him to do this – he wanted to. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

He’s a virile, young humanoid and he’s gonna tear your ass and mouth up. His appetite for sex is like no other; he got it from his absentee father I suppose? Except my son doesn’t force himself on innocent girls. Inspite of his tentacles, girls (and even guys) throw themselves at him, wanting to be violated by his slimy parts!

Once it’s over, you will truly know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

And you’ll be sorry that you ever did what you did.

Call 888-4-KINKY-SEX

Let’s be honest here, okay? Not all of us are gonna be going out to dinner and a movie this weekend with someone. And who wants to go out anyway, it’s gonna be crowded as fuck everywhere! I hate crowds and I hate waiting in line. Valentine’s Day is for regular people, and I am NOT a regular person. Bah humbug! Lol. So yeah, I’m probably gonna be holed up in my apartment, watching all kinds of porn (big dicks are my favorite), getting REALLY WET & rubbing one out a few times and talking to guys on the phone.

My best friend (who’s also a phone sex chick btw with a VERY sexy voice and might I add is hot in real life) will most likely come over and keep me company. She’s weird and freaky like me, and if you saw us together you’d probably think we’re sisters. We’re gonna hang out, eat pizza in our underwear, drink beer, laugh and talk shit about people we hate, and if you call…we’ll probably be drunk and we’ll probably be VERY horny by then…and then we’re gonna give you the BEST phone sex threesome gangbang mindfuck you’ve ever had, because we’re damn good at it. And you’ll cum HARD, but seriously though…don’t cum too quick ok?! We HATE that shit.

So you just have to call & find out! Let’s fucking party phone sex style! Fuck V-Day lol xox

Call us! 1-800-745-PLAY

Dead! I love phone sex spoofs, especially when they’re really funny. This one had me rolling!!

Have I told you that I love talking shit to a dude, it makes my day. It gets my adrenaline pumping actually…

just saying! Sluts gotta have fun too ;)

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