I think it’s great how phone sex is being demystified and talked about in a more positive light; it’s been a topic of discussion on social media for some time now, especially YouTube. The truth is, I haven’t been inspired by phone sex lately – I’ve been doing this for a while and I’m sort of having an ‘existential crisis-slash-I don’t know what to do with myself anymore’ moment and so I haven’t posted anything here. But I searched “phone sex” on YouTube and found this gem, I laughed and loved the people in it and so had to share this with you as you all know I’m all about humor and funny ass shit. So have a laugh and enjoy!

If you feel compelled to call, just click that phone number baby!😘

Call 1-800-PHONESEX

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For gay phone sex, call 1-800-WET-DICK

We getting turnt up tonight!!

Hah, not really.

More like: we bloggin, we tweetin, we gettin lit, we sexy talkin on the phone allllll night long.

Staying home and making dat money, basically.

Here’s some party music to get you hyped.

Have a nice weekend. Call us if you’re horny as fuck😘😘😘

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

When my boyfriend and I can’t have sex in the house, we go to the park.

And honestly, by the time we get there – we’re so fucking horny at that point that we pretty much stopped giving a fuck.

And that’s when weird stuff starts to happen.

It happened on a Wednesday night. My parents were home, talking in the kitchen. We were pretending to watch TV in the living room but Mike (my hot as fuck BF) was putting his hand up my miniskirt. He managed to pull my sticky panties aside and started to fingerbang me with his fat middle finger. Jesus fucking christ I was getting so slippery wet, I wanted to lock lips with him & let him fuck me already. Instead, I let out a soft moan and stared at the TV.

So I told my parents that we were going to the store to get something sweet. Lame excuse but it always works. My parents are always distracted about whatever the fuck they’re talking about anyway. Lucky me!

We walk to the park which is about 3 blocks down. This park is fun, it has lots of trees and bushes. Kind of hidden, which is a perfect spot to fuck. Other people fuck here too, I guess they have the same idea as us.

But we were alone tonight in the open air. Just the silent trees and bushes, (I think).

Mike and I didn’t waste no time & were pretty much dry humping on the damn bench. God, he sure was making me horny! It was dark except for the lamp that was a few feet away from the bench so it literally made the park pitch black while we had the soft light on us. I didn’t care, I wanted Mike to fuck me in every which way. God, he’s hot – tall, dark hair, brown skin, big dick.

So I slid down from Mike’s crotch, got on my knees, pulled down his pants and started sucking on that big dick. I bobbed, slobbered, went up and down that diamond hard shaft. I made loud, sucking noises & that really got him going. He starts to moan for me.

It must’ve been a full minute when I started to feel like we weren’t alone. Mike was lost in ecstasy while I started to shift my eyes, I couldn’t see anything. Tree shadows, bushes maybe?

So I kept on sucking, but felt a little uneasy.

Then I heard a man grunting. It was definitely a man. I heard distinct sounds of ‘fap, fap, fap’ repeatedly and my eyes widened with terror. There’s a fuckin homeless man jerking off to us!

I wanted to scream. Yes, with a cock in my mouth

Even worse, Mike wouldn’t let me stop sucking him off. He felt me tightening up & getting scared and kept his hands firmly on my head, telling me ‘it’s ok baby, it’s ok, we’re almost done here. Just some homeless dude, he’s harmless. Keep at it baby, you’re gonna make me fucking CUM!’

I didn’t want to let Mike down so I kept on sucking. Faster and faster, with a homeless man grunting and fapping in the background. I closed my eyes shut and thought about all the fucking I was gonna get from Mike later. Missionary, doggy, reverse cowgirl, eating my pussy, 69, maybe (MAYYYYBE) anal. Just imagining him having his way with me made me so wet. I wanted him to pump his dick into me, I wanted so bad to have sloppy ass sex with him. Mike must’ve been reading my mind ‘cuz he was about to CUM…

and then my mouth filled up with warm, thick come.

Then the grubby man came out of the darkness, drunk with dick in hand saying “That was the best goddamn live porno I’ve ever seen! Thanks for the free show kids!” And stumbled off into the park, laughing like a maniac.

I slapped Mike square in the face, called him an asshole and walked off.

Ohhh you better fuck me good tonight, Mike. I just gave you a blowjob in front of a fucking bum! Gross.

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Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

You guys, this song is FIRE!! This hot new song is by (Khia, remember her?) and TS Madison – ex pornstar, entertainer, entrepreneur.

I just had to post it because I’m hooked and I think she’s beautiful and funny as fuck.

And here’s a picture of her big ass dick! See my other blog post about this Big Dick Bitch! ;)

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You like transsexual women? Then click the number below to get your hot phone sex fantasy started!

Call 1-888-WET-TSTV

Everybody is sooo into fitness these days. I guess I am too but my workouts are usually half-assed. But seriously though, don’t work out too hard where those titties get small. Stay voluptuous, stay thick and keep those beautiful tits huge by any means necessary! ;)

Call 888-4-SEXY-TIT

Her name was Christina. She was the cashier manager at the university bookstore where he worked. She was a bitch, but she radiated sex. He glanced over from his register to where she stood, her eyes downcast, head tilted slightly to the right as she rung up a return. The slut. Her eyes were cool and bored. They were the same color as her coffee-and-cream skin. She wore a bright pink sweater today, and he could see the bulge of her nipples beneath it’s thin fabric. She couldn’t be wearing a bra. He felt his cock start to get hard inside his pants.

Read the rest here!

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Call 888-869-BOOTY

It’s funny, awkward, but also really sexy! And if you want sexy, pay close attention to the interracial couple. Omfg, that was actually pretty damn HOT.

So how much hotter would it be with a completely anonymous person? Find out for yourself…

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

Warning: you are about to read something very erotic and also blasphemous. If this offends you, well then tough luck. I’m feeling dark today.

Besides, who hasn’t envisioned a nun having sex with the devil? Reading this made me all tingly inside…

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Sorry to disappoint but my adult fantasy isn’t very exciting or creative.

I watched Batman vs. Superman recently and it was really hard to choose who I would go for:

on the one hand you’ve got Superman aka Clark Kent – dark hair, blue eyes, handsome, strong yet gentle & totally out of this world.

On the other hand, you’ve got Batman aka Bruce Wayne – also handsome, wealthy, mysterious and kind of dark around the edges.

They are both equally fit and so very attractive; I would fuck them both in a heartbeat.

And Wonder Woman would probably be my girlfriend in an alternate universe but she would probably be too busy for me so…

let’s get back to Batman & Superman.

Like I said, my fantasy is nothing out of the ordinary. I really just want to get banged by both of these men at the same time.

I would want to start off slow of course, taking turns kissing them and touching their chiseled faces. I’m wearing office attire just like Lois Lane (except my hair is dark and I’m a lot more curvy & busty) – white button up shirt, black pencil skirt and heels, my hair tied up in a bun. I rub my hands up and down their hard, smooth bodies and can feel their cocks rising up to meet my hands.

We don’t have sex right away. We’re just kissing and groping each other for some time. I haven’t figured out how these two hunks of flesh are going to undress themselves and start pounding me, I suppose it just happens somehow…

I lead them both to the couch so I can take turns straddling them. I take turns kissing them while I’m on all fours, I take a playful bite at Superman’s rock hard cock and he flings me back with superhuman strength and Batman catches me. He’s got a tight grip on me and I’m now sandwiched in between these two, insanely strong men; I can feel Batman’s hardon poking me from behind his suit and starts to unzip and pull my skirt down while Superman unbuttons my shirt and presses himself hard against me. He starts to put his hand around my neck and my tits, kisses me sloppily (as if he was the evil version of himself) while Batman pulls my panties halfway down and slides his black gloved hands up my dripping wet slit. By this time I can’t stand it, I am so fucking turned on. I’m really trying to control myself but I’m breathing heavily, my boobs are glistening in sweat and perfume and my panties are already beyond soaked. I think I already came? I don’t even know, but this is truly beyond my wildest dreams. I wish this moment would last forever.

Do you want to know what happens next?

Call 1-800-ASK-4SEX

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