Wow. So I have not posted anything trans/shemale-related in a while. To tell you the truth I am so over sex right now, I honestly think it’s overrated. Like I can’t stand to watch people fuck and I don’t wanna watch porn – it’s fucking boring. You might be even thinking right now that I’m probably not getting fucked right or something. Maybe, perhaps…but that’s besides the point.😝

The point is, this photo is hot as fuck. I’m into seeing people DRESS UP for sex. I think I have a fetish. I don’t want to see naked people anymore, I want to see women, men, queer, trans – basically people of all shapes in sizes feeling beautiful and powerful as fuck in their SEX OUTFITS.

Not only is she hot, but she has a bigass fucking cock. She’ll literally fuck and pound your ass into submission.

Call 1-800-GIRLMAN

Watch me try phone sex with @comedianjoncea and @kanishaiscomedy 😂😂 link in bio!

A post shared by Patrick Cloud (@patrickcloud) on

Basically my life. Guys with accents are cool.

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Seriously though, who doesn’t love a big fucking ass? So round, so thick, so spankable, so juicy! Call now if you’re an ASSMAN, baby!! I can’t wait to put my ass all up in your face and let you smell it!😋🍑😋🍑😋🍑

Call 1-800-ASK-4-ASS

I gotta hand it to the porn stars and sex workers – they’re pretty much on the front lines when it comes to dealing with creeps, and I admire that very much. I gotta admit that I’m not as bold or tough as those women but luckily for me, I still have a barrier (the phone) – which still gives me a safe distance from the occasional creep that calls.

So maybe you’re a creep but aren’t aware of it? Here are some telltale signs:

  1. You stare at women without hiding it at all, to the point where the woman is visibly uncomfortable. How can you tell she is uncomfortable? She’s probably not making eye contact with you, or she simply moves away.
  2. You say gross things that obviously disgust women, or she tells you outright that what you said was ‘creepy as fuck’.
  3. Women don’t want to be around you for too long. Observe this in real life and see if it holds true for you.
  4.  You look and act creepy. You don’t have to be ‘normal’, but for the sake of others, at least pretend that you are.

Here is a short guide that will make you more self-aware of your own creepiness:

  1. Stop saying creepy stuff to women, especially if you barely know them.
  2. If you’re in public or hanging with friends, don’t stare at a woman for too long.
  3. Stop staring. Period. Or at least, be very subtle about it.
  4. Respect her decision to say “No” to you. Don’t be offended and start calling her names because you didn’t get what you wanted.

Here’s the thing – it’s okay to admire women – we’re beautiful, we’re smart and we’re sexy. But don’t make it obvious! You wouldn’t like it if someone did it to you, right? Then act accordingly.

But Ms. Professional Pervert, what about the women who are just as much of a creep as the men? I’m gonna save that for another blog post.

I know, I know – not everyone believes in this.

And yet there are LOTS of guys out there with real girlfriends or real wives, who still seek something more than what they already have. And I’m not just talking about the good ol’ in and out; I’m talking about all kinds of sex in different forms – phone & cam sex, VR sex, sexting, watching porn and jerking off to it, etc.

Why is that?

Men get bored. Women get bored too. Shit, EVERYBODY gets bored at some point. Having another option makes it exciting, even sort of dangerous. It’s quite normal. That’s probably one of the reasons why Ashley Madison was so popular (remember them)?

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that paying for sex is fine because:

  1. You have that person’s full attention.
  2. Sex workers are motivated by money because it’s an incentive. I mean DUH, who isn’t? Isn’t that why we ALL get up to go to work every single day?
  3. The person you want to have sex with IRL is probably tired, or something, or something else. Long day at work, my period is here, I’m not in the fucking mood, you smell like onions and the list goes on and on…am I right??
  4. The US economy is not in the greatest condition. People need money. There are hardly any real jobs left since they’ve mostly been outsourced, so a lot more people have added sex work to their list of work options. Supporting a sex worker from the US means you are giving back to our economy and helping it grow.

So what’s the freaking point of this blog post? Simple. Just be okay with paying for it. We all pay for our desires one way or another. Sex is no different.

With that being said, phone sex is probably the most harmless out of all the kinds of sex you can have. We’re basically enhancing the fantasies you already have, via voice.

So give us a call:

Call 1-800-PHONE-SEX*

Since no one comments on what they actually want to see on here (other than wanting to fuck or wanting to see my boobs), I will attempt to resume posting big tit gifs.

So stop being a lurker and call…

Call 1-800-SEXTALK

via GIPHY

What’s up guys, girls and nonbinary people – if there’s any who read this!

So you probably know this already: I don’t know what to blog about on here anymore and I sound like a broken fucking record.

FUCKING A, RIGHT?

At this point, I just feel like typing whatever the fuck I want to type. It’s not gonna make sense anymore. It will be gibberish, or it will be poetry.

One thing is for sure though, it will be SEX. Whatever oozes out of my mouth will be cream-filled, sloppy, dirty, addictive, RAW.

I’m pretty much rambling now. Not sure where this is going, but I don’t care.

I want someone who will FUCK my brains out with words. Someone who is on MY FUCKING LEVEL.

Someone who will stimulate my brain SO FUCKING MUCH, that I start to cream and get wet…FOR REAL.

Someone who will PHONEFUCK ME over and over again. If you don’t believe that anything can actually happen just by talking to someone over the phone, FUCK YOU and FUCK OFF. Why are you reading this then??

‘Cause I got you hooked, that’s why.

You’re hooked on the things I say, you’re SO hooked that you want to meet me.

And that’s why I AM SEX, a SEX GODDESS WHO PENETRATES YOU WITH HER WORDS.

You may or may not get me (the actual writer of this blog post) on the phone, but you might get someone who will stimulate the FUCK out of you and give you as much MENTAL PENETRATION as you need.

Stop assuming that sex is only physical. Sex is mental, sex is also spiritual.

So, are you up for the FUCKING challenge? Are you ready to have your MIND FUCKED in every which way? And are you as equally ready to GIVE BACK?

Call 1-800-SEXTALK

Well, isn’t it? I guess if I were you, I’d be “here” just for the pictures too!

Does it even matter that I haven’t updated this blog since last year? I don’t think it does.

You see, I’m having an existensial crisis of some sort. Things that used to have meaning for me no longer don’t. Like this blog. That’s why I stopped updating it.

Our minds evolve from wanting one thing to wanting something else.

Except I don’t know what that “something else” is.

So while I’m staying low key trying to figure shit out, I decided I would write something quick here. So if someone is actually reading this – I hope you are happy, healthy and most of all…horny! Because horny guys keeps us in business.

Have a great start to this new year. And yes, give us a call. Cock hungry MILF sluts are waiting to slob on that knob! Bye!😘😜😝

Call: 800-MOM-SEX4U